What I love about blogging is that it allows me
to share or talk about whatever information I want. It can be exciting news…it can be
informative…it can be full of happiness…and it can be full of sorrow. Today's blog is going to be filled with a little bit of "all of the above."
Please allow me to start with the exciting and happy news. We are thrilled to announce that Baby Stewart will be arriving in January of 2013! This has been an absolute blessing, but before I tell you where we are, let me tell you where we’ve been.
 |
| Baby Stewart at 8 weeks |
Allow me to begin with a disclaimer, that this post may turn into a soapbox. However, it's a soapbox that I've been quiet about for two years. My hope is that my blog may serve as a platform to help others who may be struggling with the same issues, in addition to helping people understand others life situations while being a little more sensitive to what they may be going through. I completely understand that we all have our battles we are facing - but regardless the battle, some choose to fight it in silence for personal reasons, which is what we did. Yes, we live in a world where we are constantly
having to be politically correct, however, too many people choose to live in a
world where they are more concerned about being “in the know” than maybe
considering that what they are asking someone about is something they are
struggling with.
Please know that what I am about to share is coming straight
from the heart. I may offend or hurt
others feelings, but please consider how much mine have trampled on as
well. Many will NEVER be able to
understand the pain we’ve experienced, and as much as you may try, you will
just never get it. So, here it goes...
What only a small handful of people know is that we’ve struggled with infertility for two years.
I’m not going to share whether it’s male factor or female factor or
both, because it doesn’t matter. It’s a
battle that Justin and I are fighting together.
Why have I kept this information private? Couples who struggle with infertility almost
feel ashamed. They feel that something
is wrong with them and that they are not normal because they cannot conceive a
child. Infertility has so many facets
that people like to gossip about, and honestly I just haven’t felt like being
the talk of the town.
According to Resolve.org, the National Infertility Association, Although
most people don’t believe it, infertility is a disease…a life crisis. One in eight couples, or more than 7 million
people, experience it. To give you a
better idea, the pain from infertility is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because
it is a recurring grief. When a loved one dies, he/she isn't coming back. There
is no hope that he/she will come back from the dead. You must work through the
stages of grief, accept that you will never see this person again, and move on
with your life. The grief of infertility
is not so cut and dry. Infertile people grieve the loss of the baby that they
may never know. Each month, there is the hope that maybe that baby will be
conceived after all. No matter how hard they try to prepare themselves for bad
news, they still hope that this month will be different. Then, the bad news
comes again, and the grief washes over the couple. This process happens month
after month, year after year. It is like having a deep cut that keeps getting
opened right when it starts to heal.
So if you’ve wondered why we’ve been married so
long and have no children or why I avoid conversations on babies, I hope this gives you some
insight.
Our journey to get to this point in our lives has
been filled with more doctor appointments than I can count, more tears than
anyone should ever shed, and far too many medications. I never thought I would be a person who would
need to use Assisted Reproductive Technology (ART), because who doesn’t think
that they can get pregnant whenever they want.
After all, it happens to everyone all the time, right? Let me just say that God truly created a
miracle when He decided that we should be able to have children. While I’m sure you’ve always considered life
to be precious, you consider it even more so when you have traveled our path.
Please be thoughtful and considerate if you
are going to ask someone when they are going to have a baby. Maybe they want to, but because of medical
conditions, they just can’t. Or maybe,
while it’s difficult for some to believe, they just don’t want children. Please respect their decision in what they
wish to share. In addition, please don’t
tell those who are struggling to become pregnant to “Just Relax” or “Have you
thought about adoption?” These
statements and questions don’t help, but instead push the dagger into someone’s
heart just a little bit deeper. There
may in fact be a medical condition that they are facing that is preventing
their dream of being a parent from becoming reality. I know several couples who are struggling with infertility, and for all different reasons, and let me tell you, we all have had countless hurtful things said to us. When I say we could write a book on what not to say on this subject - trust me - we could write a whole series!
Questions like this don’t have to apply to just
having children. Perhaps the person who
has not found a significant other would prefer to be single…or maybe they are
struggling with their sexuality…or perhaps they are longing for that special
someone and just haven’t been able to find them yet. Or maybe that person without a job was let go
for unjust reasons and doesn’t want to discuss it….or maybe they struggle with
not feeling like they are able to provide for their family. We all face uncertain heartaches in our
lifetime and I challenge you to start asking people, “Why don’t you tell me a
little about yourself,” instead of, “Are you married?” or “When are you going
to have kids?”
Over the next few weeks, I will share more of our personal journey in regards to infertility and pregnancy. If you have the time, I encourage you to watch this YouTube video. While my story is not the same as the person who produced this video, it shares many of the same feelings and emotions that all individuals who experience infertility go through.
